Final Affairs of closing an estate: A perfect mistake = a learning opportunity

Final Affairs of closing an estate: A perfect mistake = a learning opportunity

A perfect mistake = a learning opportunity

If you ask any business owner, we all want to be perfect, however unrealistic it may be.  And on occasion we make phenomenally big “learning opportunities” that we wonder how we’ll ever be able to fix.

I recently had one of these opportunities.

First, let me say that my staff is great and we all work together for the families we serve.  But, at the end of the day, the responsibility of the business is all on me.  Ultimately that means any learning opportunity made by my staff is mine and I have to fix it.

We recently had a family call whose father had passed away and the mother was in hospice.  When they called, they requested information on our Before the Fact program.  Unfortunately, After the Fact information was sent.  While it might not sound huge, when you give information about deceased services to a family whose mother is still alive, it is grounds for a HUGE learning opportunity.

As you can image, I immediately went into action with an apology, an acceptance of responsibility and a gesture to help make the situation right.  At that point the family can either accept or reject what I proposed.  In the end, it’s the only thing I can do.   

Since I consider this to be a perfect mistake, I’m working on not making one of this type again, however unrealistic it may be.

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact - Final Affairs

(877) 922-8332  (602) 369-3646

It's Hebrews 11 day!

Today is the 2^nd anniversary of my dad’s passing.  Two years ago I had the privilege of spending the last 12 days of his life with him. The very last thing we did together was recite bible verses, him by memory me by reading. When he became too tired to continue, he asked me to read to him, my choice.  I chose Hebrews 11, Faith in Action. 

You can read it here http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews%2011&version=NIV

It’s now a tradition that on the morning of November 30^th each year, I read the entire chapter out loud to him again. It is a wonderful reminder of the man my father was.

He was never a millionaire in money but was one in friends; he never owned a super fancy car but he always had transportation; he never had a closet full of tailored clothes but he always had something to wear; he never had the highest grade steak but he always had food to eat; he didn’t have a perfect life but was married for 45 years and had 2 children who married and gave him 4 grandchildren. 

Ask me today what kind of life I hope to have when I reach the end, my answer is “I want to be as wealthy as my father was.”

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact Final Affairs

(877) 922-8332

Where were you when.....

If there is one sentence I hear more than any other it's "where were you when my (fill in the blank here) died. I really needed some help."

It’s hard to define what being a trustee really feels like. Yes, there are hundreds of basic checklists but nothing that is really detailed. For those of us who have had to do it, especially more than once, we could put it into words now. However, unless the person you are talking to has been through it they think their situation is different or there won’t be much to do or that they can handle it. We know from experience that it’s not true.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when you have to close an estate.

• It’s going to take 10 times longer to complete than what you think it will. Don’t cancel anything immediately or buy anything immediately. Both of these decisions have a tendency to cause more problems and more work later on, which makes it take longer.
• It’s going to cost more than what you think it will. Cost isn’t necessarily defined by money. It will cost more in personal time, emotions, mental exhaustion, frustration, overwhelm, stress and countless other things you aren’t even aware of yet.
• It’s going to be harder than you think it will be. We all have our specialty profession and know that we can do it better than anybody else. But as smart as we all are, trying to learn and do something new during a time of grief makes it tremendously harder than it would under normal circumstances.
• It’s going to be bigger than you think it will be. Yes, some estates look small, some people don’t get out much or don’t have an active life; but there was  a time when they were out there living going places, doing things, putting their finger on the internet as well. That means there will be items that will sneak up on you that have to be dealt with. It’s not pretty when it happens either.

Despite all of these things, we feel an obligation to do what our loved one asked of us but we want to stay in control. I was no different and neither are most of the people we meet. What I can tell you is, when you get to the point that you can’t do it anymore there is help. You will benefit by saving time, money, frustration, stress, mental exhaustion and that feeling of being overwhelmed. In the end, it really only has to get done and it might not have to be by you, it may be with you.

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact – Final Affairs, LLC

www.afterthefact-finalaffairs.com

From child to caregiver

As we boomers age, we watch our parents do the same.  If you’re like me, they aren’t suppose to get old like our grandparents, they are always suppose to be the age of parents, whatever age that is to us. We watch on the news, see our neighbors and sometimes ourselves dealing with parents that have disappeared and are without their medication.  They have dementia or Alzheimer’s, they live alone and say they were fine but really aren’t.  We’re frantically searching for them or helping the neighbors do the same; we’re praying for their safe return and in some cases trying to explain to young children what is happening.

In the midst of all this chaos there is something happening behind the scenes that we don’t see until it’s too late. Bills aren’t getting paid, appointments are being missed, papers need to be found so the adult children can act on behalf the lost parent along with a myriad of other items. Even though they aren’t top of mind during this time, they are things MUST be taken care of.

This recently happened to a client. The granddaughter was focused on getting her grandfather taken care of. He didn’t want to move into a home but it was obvious he needed care. His world was shrinking, he was quickly becoming immobile, not wanting to take his medication and there was the very beginning of memory loss. She has been working with a home health care (HHC) agency to come in a few times a week to help him. All of this on top of working a full-time job. 

Near her wits end, she hired us to help take care of the paper items that have been neglected. She felt completely overwhelmed and was only focused on tending to her grandfather’s physical needs. By her own admission, she didn’t have a clue what to do first, much less what to do at all.

Now, three months later, she goes to work a little later each day after stopping to visit him; the HHC comes in for a few hours each day to assist with needs; we made arrangements for a professional company to take over paying his bills; we are currently sorting through boxes of paper and returning personal items to him; we are taking care of downsizing his paper life; and we have managed to find some benefits that he forgot he had that help cover the cost of the HHC. 

This situation shows how a group of professionals can assist a family in crisis. None of us can take care of everything ourselves but all of us can take care of the family together.

If you find yourself in this type of situation, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Not only will you save yourself time and stress, in the long run you will save money and everyone will have a better quality of life. 

Tisha M Diffie

Get free expert advice from the ABC15 Long-Term Care Phone Bank on Thursday from 3 to 6:30 p.m.

Get free expert advice from the ABC15 Long-Term Care Phone Bank on Thursday from 3 to 6:30 p.m.

Estate Closure vs. Estate Settlement

There has been some confusion about the type of service we provide. So, here is some clarification about the different between Estate Closure and Estate Settlement.                      

CLOSURE

• Making sure there are no important papers taped underneath furniture that the attorney needs
• Finding out if there is additional life insurance available that no one knew to ask about
• Going through the boxes and knowing what papers are important to keep
• Taking everything else in dads’ wallet and canceling memberships, express cards, asking for refunds, asking about benefits and reward points, canceling auto refill prescriptions, and so on
• Searching for lost accounts, removing an internet footprint beyond e-mail and Facebook and knowing how to protect the ID from being stolen

SETTLEMENT

• Deciding who gets the end tables
• Distributing assets to the beneficiaries
• Deciding who gets to go through the 20 boxes of paper stored in the closet
• Cleaning out dads wallet and throwing away everything but money, drivers license and credit cards
• Leaving town because you got what you wanted and you don’t have to worry about anything else

There are many other items encompassing estate closure that are important. But, we feel the most important thing is the quality-of-life that you have while the estate is being closed.

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact – Final Affairs, LLC

www.afterthefact-finalaffairs.com

(602) 369-3646

The stove is hot!

When I was a little kid and my dad was teaching me how to cook, he used to say “don’t touch the stove top, it’s hot.”  Of course, while he was standing there I didn’t touch it.  However, the first time I was allowed to cook by myself, I had to touch the stove top.  Guess what, it was hot!  That was a lesson I had to learn because I didn’t want to be taught.  Wish I would have listened.

We talk with families daily that are thinking about using our service.  We know the value that it brings because we have learned the things that need to happen to close an estate.  To do it right you need to have a clear mind, even temper, controlled emotions and the knowledge to know how to do it.  This does not describe the families during the time after death. 

One thing I have learned is that almost everyone says “it’s not a big estate and there isn’t much to do.”  It’s said from a place of not understanding how much work there is, what things really do need to be completed that they aren’t aware of and a general reference that they don’t know what they are doing or how to do it.  I can tell them the stove is hot but they have to touch it to find out themselves.

If I could tell a family anything it would be this.  Please don’t think this will be done in a week or a month of even a year.  You have no idea how many things are going to come up that you don’t know how to do.  Ask for help, even if it’s not from us.  We already know that the top of the stove is hot.

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact – Final Affairs, LLC

(602) 369-3646

The age of the human app

Can you think of things that DON’T have an “app” for them?  Child birth, as much as women would probably love one; parenting, again, as much as we would like to have one some days; sleeping, I would love this one; showering, no way would I give up those; and somehow possibly unfairly, grieving.

When I get into my office in the morning, the first thing I do is start up the computer, check e-mails, go to my two favorite sites and quickly scan them, check the news, and print off my to do list.  All of these require “apps” to run.  Then I return e-mails, review reports from staff, take a look at the marketing plan, work on processes for the business; and a myriad of other tasks throughout the day.  All of these things require “apps” as well.

But, when a family calls to ask about our service and how we can help them, there is no “app” for that.  Taking time to listen, answer questions and reassure them that we understand and empathize with their situation takes a real person.  Every conversation is different; each person is at a different point in the process.  No “app” is required.

I’m a fan of most things that can make my life easier; make my work more efficient; help with communication to staff in field.  However, I’m not a fan of taking away a human touch when one is really needed.

Regardless of how many “apps” there are that apply to any number of situations, when a family calls us, they are going to get the human “app” before anything else.  Try it, it’s a great one!

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact – Final Affairs, LLC

(602) 369-3646