I LOST MY SHOES

Have you heard the phrase “don’t judge another person until you walk in their shoes?”  Of course, we all have.  I had a unique opportunity recently to lose my shoes and walk in someone else's.  Not from the families side, or our side, but from one of the companies that we work with on a regular basis.

Any good business has processes that it abides by.  Usually, if those processes aren’t working, they get changed.  However, when you get to be a larger company, sometimes the processes don’t get the opportunity to be changed.  Such was the case here.

Most companies don’t deal with death very well.  They don’t know what to say, how to say it or how to work with the people who are dealing with it.  So, the processes weren’t designed to work with people in this state of mind.  The employees are reluctant to suggest changes due to the sensitive nature of the topic and therefore, continue to work a process that doesn’t work.  Hence, I lost my shoes by working in theirs and now have a new respect for the problems they encounter.

If you are dealing with closing an estate and have come across a company that is difficult to work with, here is a view from their shoes that may help you.

·      First, realize that when they say they are sorry for your loss, the person saying it usually is.  Yes it’s a standard line but most people really do mean it.

·      Second, realize that the process is designed for people who aren’t emotional, overwhelmed, tired and confused.  It’s designed to work with people dealing with a regular issue, not death.

·      Third, try and be patient with the person on the phone.  I found that most of them do want to help but are limited on what they can do by the process.  Understand that once you are past the initial conversation, the process takes over the person.

·      Fourth, ask them to help you.  As simple as it sounds, if you let your natural grief seep out, just a little, in the conversation, the person will help.  They can look at your situation and use the part of the process that will work.

·      Fifth, don’t do the work when you are tired.  The person gets angry when you get upset.  You know yourself better than anyone so strategically work on the estate when you are at your strongest.  I guarantee honest emotion works better than anger any day of the week.

Although it’s an emotional time, I hope this helps you see the view from their shoes.

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact – Final Affairs, LLC

(602) 369-3646