From child to caregiver

As we boomers age, we watch our parents do the same.  If you’re like me, they aren’t suppose to get old like our grandparents, they are always suppose to be the age of parents, whatever age that is to us. We watch on the news, see our neighbors and sometimes ourselves dealing with parents that have disappeared and are without their medication.  They have dementia or Alzheimer’s, they live alone and say they were fine but really aren’t.  We’re frantically searching for them or helping the neighbors do the same; we’re praying for their safe return and in some cases trying to explain to young children what is happening.

In the midst of all this chaos there is something happening behind the scenes that we don’t see until it’s too late. Bills aren’t getting paid, appointments are being missed, papers need to be found so the adult children can act on behalf the lost parent along with a myriad of other items. Even though they aren’t top of mind during this time, they are things MUST be taken care of.

This recently happened to a client. The granddaughter was focused on getting her grandfather taken care of. He didn’t want to move into a home but it was obvious he needed care. His world was shrinking, he was quickly becoming immobile, not wanting to take his medication and there was the very beginning of memory loss. She has been working with a home health care (HHC) agency to come in a few times a week to help him. All of this on top of working a full-time job. 

Near her wits end, she hired us to help take care of the paper items that have been neglected. She felt completely overwhelmed and was only focused on tending to her grandfather’s physical needs. By her own admission, she didn’t have a clue what to do first, much less what to do at all.

Now, three months later, she goes to work a little later each day after stopping to visit him; the HHC comes in for a few hours each day to assist with needs; we made arrangements for a professional company to take over paying his bills; we are currently sorting through boxes of paper and returning personal items to him; we are taking care of downsizing his paper life; and we have managed to find some benefits that he forgot he had that help cover the cost of the HHC. 

This situation shows how a group of professionals can assist a family in crisis. None of us can take care of everything ourselves but all of us can take care of the family together.

If you find yourself in this type of situation, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Not only will you save yourself time and stress, in the long run you will save money and everyone will have a better quality of life. 

Tisha M Diffie