Where were you when.....

If there is one sentence I hear more than any other it's "where were you when my (fill in the blank here) died. I really needed some help."

It’s hard to define what being a trustee really feels like. Yes, there are hundreds of basic checklists but nothing that is really detailed. For those of us who have had to do it, especially more than once, we could put it into words now. However, unless the person you are talking to has been through it they think their situation is different or there won’t be much to do or that they can handle it. We know from experience that it’s not true.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when you have to close an estate.

• It’s going to take 10 times longer to complete than what you think it will. Don’t cancel anything immediately or buy anything immediately. Both of these decisions have a tendency to cause more problems and more work later on, which makes it take longer.
• It’s going to cost more than what you think it will. Cost isn’t necessarily defined by money. It will cost more in personal time, emotions, mental exhaustion, frustration, overwhelm, stress and countless other things you aren’t even aware of yet.
• It’s going to be harder than you think it will be. We all have our specialty profession and know that we can do it better than anybody else. But as smart as we all are, trying to learn and do something new during a time of grief makes it tremendously harder than it would under normal circumstances.
• It’s going to be bigger than you think it will be. Yes, some estates look small, some people don’t get out much or don’t have an active life; but there was  a time when they were out there living going places, doing things, putting their finger on the internet as well. That means there will be items that will sneak up on you that have to be dealt with. It’s not pretty when it happens either.

Despite all of these things, we feel an obligation to do what our loved one asked of us but we want to stay in control. I was no different and neither are most of the people we meet. What I can tell you is, when you get to the point that you can’t do it anymore there is help. You will benefit by saving time, money, frustration, stress, mental exhaustion and that feeling of being overwhelmed. In the end, it really only has to get done and it might not have to be by you, it may be with you.

Tisha Diffie

After the Fact – Final Affairs, LLC

www.afterthefact-finalaffairs.com